The Craving

I'm what you'd call a good kid.

I get good grades. All As and Bs, the worst I've gotten was a B-. It was in Ancient History, and I'd missed only one assignment.

I've never been to a party in my life. You know, the ones that have alcohol and consist mainly of people my age. I don't count fundraisers as parties, neither the ones my parents have hosted at my house where all our family friends come together and talk. There's usually about only one case of beer. 

I have never drank more than the small sip I have gotten by my parents at the christmas party.

Drugs have never been a consistency in my life. Besides antidepressants, of course.

I never stay out late, if there is a time that I am out with friends. 

If there are any arguments between my parents and I, it is usually about my room.

I've never had a boyfriend, so my parents don't have to worry about that.

Overall, I am the kid everyone wants their kid to be friends with. 

Although, I have been a normal teenager once in my life. And as much as I preach against doing anything harmful to your body like hallucinogens, depressants, etc., that one time was one of the happiest moments in my life. There was a dizzying, bubbling feeling inside of me, I wasn't afraid, I wasn't holding back, I was laughing at the stupidest things, and nothing mattered whatsoever. I felt good, and happy, even though afterwards I realized how idiotic I must have seemed. I've never forgotten that time, just my friend and I, with her other friend and boyfriend.  And more than anything, despite being in one of the best schools in the state, despite how proud I make my parents, I want to do it again. I keep craving that moment of bliss when I first felt it within me, coursing through my veins to the tip of my fingers. I crave the dizziness I felt, and the light feeling in my head. I crave how everything I saw and heard made me want to giggle. Most of all, I crave the ignorance of reality. I want it badly.

Sometimes I want to tell my parents that I've done a drug. I like being honest with them, but then again I don't want to let them down. There's also the fear of them getting very angry. Maybe when I'm much older I'll tell them. For now, I think I should keep it to myself, especially since my friend and I are going to do it again.

We want to, my friend and I. No matter how ashamed I felt after that time, I knew I had to do it again. I hope I don't get addicted, I just want to escape once in awhile.

We might be doing it soon. It depends on when my friend's other friend is able to. With the amount of stress school is putting on me, right now I need it more than anything.

Cravings are a bitch.